i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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