If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize