Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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