Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
