it was like eating out sand paper
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?