you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.