i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.