And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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