How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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