OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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