It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
