we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
