Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
