I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is Oprah even human
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
