I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
