Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
