wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Vodka?
Forever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
