she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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