There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
