so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
