Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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