Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
