You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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