Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
