Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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