hotel room ftw
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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