i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
