her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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