It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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