Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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