and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
