im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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