the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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