i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
