now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
