I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
