I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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