I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
