Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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