You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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