he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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