Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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