Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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