hotel room ftw
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
