Screwed.edu
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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