i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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