I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
where are my eyebrows?
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