I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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