i permit you to call me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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