If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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