i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's never too late to be topless.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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