I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
