I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
