Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
