i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
