we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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